I Didn't Make It

So i can't relate

Cars. Highways,

Computers, sinks,

Cabinets, chairs

I didn’t make it or design it

So it is hard me to understand

I wasn’t the genius that created that thing

I am a horrible imitator, I can’t learn from

Watching someone else do it

I have to do things my way

And my way may not be the right way

But it is my way

And of course there is many ways to do things

I amazed at auto mechanics, and electricians

Because they are working on a thing that they did not create

Or design,

And that leaves me puzzled of course

Stone Hotel: Poems From Prison by Raegan Butcher
My rating: 5 of 5 stars

Awesome collection of poems. Straight to the point and raw. more like prose. Some of the most honest accounts of prison life read. No bravado or bullshit. Makes me want to read more from this underrated author.


View all my reviews

The Damned

Don't know they are damned

and they maybe,

as strange bad lucks blows a sour kiss

good or bad fortune

what does it matter?

if you can smile or tell jokes, and love for awhile

for a brief moment in the rhythm of the universe,

the label that people do not want on themselves

or need,
doesn't really matter at all

but perhaps we are all damned, no exclusions

I mean we all die,

don't we?

Without Money

They say money isn't happiness,

and maybe they are right, most of the time,

well I was getting harassed by the cops this night.
for a situation that did not even involve me.

they saw a small open container and went at me

You would have thought I was fucking El Chapo,

several cops blinding me, yet i am strangely calm for a coward.

they give me their fucking field tests, and I pass those motherfuckers. I'm not drunk after a shot of wine, can you be serious?

the head cop won't let me drive my car for the night.

I try Uber that don't work, but the taxi came, and I'm  off to a local motel, wasting 50 dollars and the cab fare.

I left my driver's license in my car, which i can not drive to morning.  Fucked up.

cab dude comes i get my license, and they let me rent the room.

fucked up about my situation, but not that bad off

because while I was waiting for the cab i was sitting outside and see this Mexican guy sitting on the side of the building.

He couldn't even afford a 50 dollar room, sleeping outside.

and think why do such things as homelessness have to happen? when there are plenty of rooms, yet not enough money for a lot I guess.

well anyway, I have a hard time going to sleep. That night.

The Futurists

I admire the futurists,

I am a futurist,  I believe

HUMANITY is so terribly behind

I have a hard time living in the moment

this moment, always looking towards

a nebulous future,  I am strangely optimistic,

even though people say I am such a damned pessimist,

seeing the fucked up side of everything,

superstitions and traditions hold us dearly back

But i believe in the future and guys like Elon Musk,

and the robots who will be able to do everything better than human  beings

will they destroy the world?  why so pessimistic?

I've seen the The Terminator,

but the machines are not made of blood and bone

they won't have our lusts and fears and foolish ambitions

bring self driving cars,  these assholes can't drive anyway

and if the robots will be, are somehow able to be creative?

they will see and hear things that we can't see and hear at all

their Art will be superior,

yet not of blood and bone

I write in blood and bone

but, who needs this anyway?

The Moment

It just maybe all that there is

people say live in the moment,

but have some people forgotten how hard

some people have it in the moment,

and have to look past that shit

how many are in a jail cell, hospital,

at war,  a ghetto,

washing dishes somewhere, at a lathe

they are supposed to live in that moment,

and not look to the past or a more bearable future?

the moment can be the most terrible thing there is

Not every one can go to Vegas or an exotic beach

or be around any type of peace or serenity

And that is why some of us look back or forward

And not suffer an often unbearable moment of

Our history

The Moment

It just maybe all that there is

people say live in the moment,

but have some people forgotten how hard

some people have it in the moment,

and have to look past that shit

how many are in a jail cell, hospital,

at war,  a ghetto,

washes dishes somewhere, at a lathe

they are supposed to live in that moment,

and not look to the past or a more bearable future?

the moment can be the most terrible thing there is

Not every one can go to Vegas or an exotic beach

or be around any type of peace or serenity

And that is why some of us look back or forward

And not suffer an often unbearable moment of

Our history

The Spider

Would you believe that all livings things may have come from something like a spider?

not hard for me to believe: the cat, the bull, the kangaroo, frog, bird

all coming from a fucking spider?

not me, I watch the humans spin and weave their webs

predatory, they, we have to be predators

competitions and games, the battle for resources

food, bread and vanity

weaving the web, after

anything could even live on on earth about

five billion something years ago

the animals and insects continue to trap though

warrior and victim

prey against predator

this game, which is played

on our Earth

Running Outta...

Ever get the strange feeling your are running outta Time?

I don't believe in time personally, but I do believe in the rhythms of life

these strange rhythms calling you or whatever makes you a person

and of course there is anxiety which comes with this

strange anxiety, which tells you to live for Today for tomorrow might not come

and that's awful dread my friend,

I saw a meme on Facebook telling me that dogs are happier than their masters

because they are joyful in the moment, happy to exist in a park while the sun shines on them

I wish I could feel like this dog,  without all the human planning, goals, the future telling me i should do this and that

human survival

so strange,  isn't it?

https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=10157018049440462&set=a.10150807875675462.735222.886070461&type=3&theater

Winos

They follow me

they become my friends in bars

the tell me things: the drunks, and druggies

I don't learn anything from the sober people

they are afraid to reveal themselves to the world

I find them boring

the drunks let their soul speak

no filter:  you see and hear a REAL person

and not facade or shell of a human being

Too Civilized

Haven't been a fight in years

go to work mostly every day

I say thank you and please

and a lot of time I feel too civilized

as I type this out using Starbucks wifi

on my chrome book in the First World

I look out a window and see two kids who look homeless

and my feet are sore from work,

I listen to John Green talk about wars through out history

and the Industrial Revolution

and think do I have it too good?

a crazy thought, right?

nobody has it too good?

we all suffer right?

I need to do some hard work with my

hands and get calluses and bruises

lift more weights, some of the kids around me

are looking waaay to strong (they can take me).

Maybe, I should find someone that will make me suffer

Tonight

Chaos

Most of the time,

I feel as if I am falling apart

and perhaps i'm always falling apart:

late, for things, money rumpled up in my pockets

rushing to get somewhere

never organized, never organized

my old friend chaos rains down on me

getting everything wrong, everything wrong

hard to pay attention to what is deemed consequential 

anxiety my dear lover, and fear is her best friend

always leading down a hot road, which ends 

too soon

I gotta get some things right

I'm at war with the tribe, I do not wanna be at

war with the tribe

I always found rebels to be pretentious,

though it seems like I am one nonetheless 

trapped of course

100 Degrees

It's terrible

and people pretend to like the

summer,  I hate that shit

driving in a high mileage car,

can't run the air conditioning constantly

and people are waaay meaner

living in St. Louis with it's high murder rate

you don't do much out, and are drenched in sweat

and people say they like this weather

well

how come so many people run their air conditioner

on this bright sunny day?

if they loooove this weather?

Fantasy

reality sucks

as you know

and I write about it

how much it sucks

but i love fantasy

but i can't write about fantasy

or even read it

it won't help me understand this strange

and confusing world

but i love the fantasy the dream of getting

what you want

reality is: toiling the way at some monotonous job

I think of of auto mechanic mowing his lawn after work

then going inside and watching some great television!

how terrible and awful is that?

and that is reality my friend

not remotely living

History

It's been all about

trade

all about religion

mostly trade

people had to earn a living didn't they?

so they went to faraway places

and gathered the natural resources:

spices, gold, silver, etc

and people worked hard for these things

that they did not rich off of themselves

and people became rich,

though not as rich as a lot of working folk

who are alive right now

but, then our rich are incredibly rich
I can not imagine

well people gathered riches through industry,
and slavery, and war

and I can not help but to think of a simple drug deal,

or exchange between car salesperson and a buyer

the world working at it's best or worst

you decide

A thousand Heart Breaks

all the disappoints

all the heartbreaks

what's one more?

you become used to it

part of protocol

it still stings

the tiny rejections

like a yellow jacket

stinging your eyeball

you get used to it

it's hard to function

you feel it

you shouldn't feel it

people don't get what they want

life is hard

You should know that

why should i be disappointed by some

heart break?

it should be expected

as usual

Imagine

Ever desire quenched

imagine not having to worry about bills

imagine an endless supply of wealth

imagine having perfect health

imagine being able to travel anywhere

imagine having mostly everything easy

to live the soft life

imagine not having to work again

imagine every form of amusement at your hands

imagine never getting frustrated again

imagine endless beauty

imagine youth and never getting old

imagine the easy way,

chances are you already have it hard

and some have it more difficult than most,

I guess,

that was a dream, and those

rarely come true, of course

Apex Predator

Shit, fuck a lion

it's the falcons, eagles and owls I look up too

they are so high up in the air,

nothing can hunt them, except Man if he wants

but people admire the lions for their predatory skills

I do to,

but old lions die so hard,

the younger one's take them out on the ground

as they grow grey,

and that is so sad for me

eagles, and hawks and owls die a lone

they hunt a lone, they only get to together to mate

and that seems about right to me

a strange idea coming from a human being.

No meaning

Life doesn't have to have a meaning for me

most people search for meaning, and purpose

for me life is fine as it is,

I don't need a higher purpose, or a lofty to goal

when i step outside i see great meaning all around me

I don't need to suffer to find meaning

I'm never thinking of the struggle or some test

there is meaning all around,

I do struggle with senselessness though

the fact that TIME is being wasting upon me

or I'm wasting it for a dollar bill,

BUT can I do?

what can anyone do?

LIVE

The Clash

Dog against cat

cat against mouse

order against chaos

man against women

man against man

mammal against insect

person against the universe

youth versus aging

life against death

the sunny day against the overcast clouds

work against leisure

things fight and clash greatly against each other

things that can be perceived and those that can not

through the our senses

no good or evil

the uptight against the loose

the clash light, material, sound and shapes

motion and physics of the thing

the chemistry of life

energy not being killed only changing it's form

existence and non existence

I know that life exists, but does death exists?

Social Media

There is a desire to be

somewhere else,

as we get on our phones, or there is a desire to be

many places at once, to want too many things at one time

but your body can only be in one place,

and we are so limited in that way

we can pick between thousands of roads in the fork,

but we can only pick one road, and we usually don't

like the road that we picked.

we picked the wrong road!!!

our time is Finite on this earth, or that is the perception

so we feel as if we are missing out on something

and maybe we are,

or maybe we don't

i don't preach anything

and nothing can control desires and ambitions

for long

anxiety

It's coming for you,

fear, fear, fear

the worst you expect, it always there,

even when you are having a good time

it is always

whats going to happen next,  I try to live

but living while working is damned near impossible

have you tried it?

well there is that fear of missing out, always missing out

we worry about, cancer, HIV and all things, autoimmune disorders

it's crazy the life, the dirty game that is played

fear and anxiety

don't ask about drugs and the addicted

it's there as we fear are final breath,

well most of us anyway.

The Box

Is the place you are in

I feel like i am in the box,

the more people in the box, the greater the suffocation,

Saturday night and the police officers all around

for the working class,  and all week their lives have been closed
in up somewhere

I read a sign on the highway that says,  Buzzed Driving is The Same Thing as Drunk Driving

Like really?
There's a huge difference between being drunk and being sober

Well it seems like they should close the bars down, even though liquor is legal
if they are going to give out DUI'S

remember the prohibition?  and how well that worked?

our modern world turns people into addicts of anything

well most people lives are terribly dull and boring

and that makes me very sad

and makes for a sad poem

like this one

Back to The Cave

The cities began to be too much

back to the cave, where I am alone

the caves we build for ourselves,

to steel ourselves against, are nerves

and tingling anxiety

you must feel some anxiety, as i feel it,

a girl next to me asks for a drink

Life has overwhelmed her,  and that's okay

I relate,  my nerves get shot too dude

and I am told about yoga and deep breathing,

while I just want to sleep through the mornings, yet

money must be made

for what?

I don't know?

Yet, food is nice,

I guess

The Pyramid

It is the human way

those at the the top, so few

the bottom so wide, and most of us stay at the bottom

through cunning, deceit, games, tricks, inside rules keep the pyramid

in place, the game, in all, most cultures

the top from bottom

and just about the only thing that keep the pyramid going

is protection of the children, of course

too preserve themselves, their children, as if

they could become immortal

a name on a street, or a park, hospital building

to let someone know that they had lived and that

they had been superior to most men of course

That is the pyramid, in all it's glory!

Artificial Intelligence

The robots will not come from the sea,

as all LIFE has come from the sea,

they will not know what struggle is (that is a good thing)

people take too much pride in their struggles, it will never make them happy

they will not have the half mammal, half reptile mind

seek to kill, fight to kill, struggle, struggle, struggle, pain, pain pain

murder, murder, compete compete

hopefully this will make them kinder than us

they will not have our souls,

they have not seen the famines, the diseases, wars and natural disasters

they will able to write this poem better than me,  make music better than your favorite composer, or producer

they will know things we do not know,  see things that we can not

they are not made of blood and bone

so i doubt they will have any sort of blood lust

and thank goodness for that

Maybe us humans good be more like these beings

it is not about being human, but somehow

unbecoming one

Quiet

the TV, the radio, people, noise chatter, to think, to feel

you can't think with these things blaring

the noise distracts you, I have to go on car rides, no radio

I am always surprised when people always have to have the radio

blaring in the car,  they can not go without the constant noise

they do not want to hear the noise in their own skull

the turn on the top 40 and listen to that or music from when they

were fifteen, they thought was the best ever made

they were surely wrong though

everyone thinks this way

nothing new

But, getting away from the noise is often a

novel idea

The Lion

Is a symbol, of strength, power, beauty, courage and many things

many people would love to see themselves as lions

but the lion's strength, fearlessness and ferocity are only temporary

as all things are temporary, passing through and changing form

this chemistry of life

the old lions die hard

the old lions die hard

from disease or battles

they go hard into the dung night

no social security of health care

just abandoned to die in the wild

while the new lions come up quicker

and stronger, and roar louder

while the old lions hearts beats slower

death in the African night is certain,

as the carcass passes on


the old lions die hard, my friend

die hard

The Real You: A poem

Poem: The King

Personal Story

It's all that matters, the story of an individual

History is a collective something

but it is not personal, and effect you too much,

but the personal stories are the best

a single heart, a single mind, experiencing different things

coming into to view,

they say that we all form a whole


I do not know


Yet it is all about the story of a single person, which is worth more

than all the collective history in the world to me

the unique perspective, the unique experience,

the experience that no one will ever experience again

and is important

people try to create like someone else,  but you can't really

copy anybody else

All that you can be is yourself in this world

your magnificent odd self

Poem: Nowhere

It's Getting to The Point

Where i think people do not want to

leave the house anymore

I don't blame them,  I maybe one of those people

too many things can happen,

too many things could go wrong?

i guess we should think about what should go right

But that is HARD

I mean dealing with all the bad drivers and

and just about everyone is a bad driver, myself included

the only good time to drive is when you have the roads

to yourself

I'm was thinking about going to a bar or something,

but it seems like too much trouble,

a hassle,

the coolest bars people like to smoke

cigarette smoke aggravate my allergies

there's bad parking, then when to get to where you

want to go, chances are you won't have a good time,

you'll just be mildly bored,  hopefully the self driving

cars are coming soon,

well until then there is Periscope,  YouTube and of course

Face Book

Lemmings

People do just about everything at the same time,

like lemmings,  ya know

Like how people go out on a Friday night or how Saturday night

is date night or something

then most people go people go to church on Sunday

Everyone doing the same thing at the same time

Most people want the nine to five shift

everything planned out for you, worked out

I'd rather have the weekend on a Tuesday,

I'm weird like that

I do not get the social clues, or what I'm supposed to do

or say most of the time

I'm not a good copycat, I don't really pay attention to what most people are doing

or saying

not saying it's good or bad

it's just 

what is

Aliens

You can learn about people, the human race,

by how they react to the alien invasion,

I've talked to a few people, and all they think that an alien invasion

would mean certain doom to the human race,

they would beat us, kill us, and rape us

this has been depicted in a number of television shows

my question is why?

why do we believe they would do us harm?

Instead of help

perhaps people believe we deserve to be overthrown and killed

and maybe we do

Why can't we imagine some strange alien race wanting to help us

instead of doing us dirty?

HUMANITY you have been too unkind to one another

and it shows in your reaction to a simple question

most of us are pessimists

our souls are closed

to the kindness of souls

Fast Food

It sucks.

people take their frustrations out on these poorly paid workers.   I went up there be fore they closed, Lee's Chicken.   And hit the drive thru, two people behind are angry and yelling at the people because they ran out of chickens wings, about thirty minutes before they closed.   Like really?  get a drumstick or thigh or breast or something.  But some bitch wanna say she some kind of mystery shopper or something and she's going to report them for this.  Really?  the bitch is some kind of realtor.  Speeding foolishly through the drive thru. She could kill someone with her vehicle. What's up with people and the chicken wings?  those little fuckers don't have any meat on them!!

Another guy gets out of the drive through because they ran out of a chicken pop pie.  Really?   A chicken pop pie?   Get something else.  LOL.

We treat our service workers like shit, than they have to treat someone like shit and the shit goes on and on.  Until we are all very miserable.

It's best to be as kind a you can to everyone you interact with.

The Collective Conscious

Whatever people want

what people desire enough comes into fruition

some genius will create it

all the masses desires and ambitions collected into those folks

I'm thinking of Face book,  Amazon, Uber

and now Periscope,

oh, did I forget YouTube, Twitter, LOL.

Periscope seems the way to go though

people are able to broadcast from all over the world

I was watching people have dinner at the 40 40 club in NYC

I have never been to NYC, and the shit seemed intimate,

not like a fuckin television show, but upfront and REAL

then I watched a broadcast from a casino in Las Vegas

I have never been to Las Vegas, and that was crazy to me

We are moving slowly towards teleportation

wouldn't that be grand?

No more cars or plains that crash

Zero Friends

I don't have them

I don't even know if I need them or want them

the world says I should have them though

and maybe they are right

I just don't relate to most people though

My brain is wired differently

My thoughts, aspirations are not the same as theirs

and there is the TIME issue

nobody ever seems to have enough of it

and I one of those people

friends usually need things

service, money, companionship

I've known people for years and

don't consider them friends

it's sad if you actually want friends and don't have them

you should have them

it's strange isn't?

how you don't feel like you belong to this world

how everyone finds their place in it and adapt

as if they were the right fit in a puzzle of God

I can't relate to that

and they can not relate to me.

I am an alien living among human beings

Poem: Where Are You Going?

Testosterone

This shit can make you unkind

it's a chemical men have, and even some women

in an abundance

it makes animals vicious, violent and hateful, and not

care about anyone, all the love gone in the world

when i was a little boy, I didn't have that much testo

how nice and sweet i was,  but you change when you

get that chemical in you

but sometimes i lose the testo and become sweeter,

nicer and kinder to those around me, which is a beautiful

thing!

Oh, maybe testo isn't so bad,  I mean somebody gotta hunt,

don't they?

kill something in the world, we can't all be sweet and nice and kind

so we lift weights, and shoot things with guns, have sex

all that mean, violent testosterone


so vicious and crazy

I'm a nice sweet guy who like UFC and gangsta rap, porn

it gets me pumped up

don't judge me!

Thank You

Thanks to those you praised me,

thanks to those who criticized me,

thanks to those who loved me, thanks to those who hated me

thanks to those who thought i was smart,  thanks to

those who thought I was stupid

thanks to the kind, and thank you to those who were mean

I've learn so much from everyone

never met anyone, who was totally evil, or totally good

just met people who were confused, in this strange world

this ride has been so strange.

I used to hate hate,  now i don't

I'm a little smarter now, I guess

still stupid though

thank you everyone, who have taught me so much

sorry to any one i disappointed or offended

thank you much

Slacker

When I was in my twenties, I was such

a fuckin slacker, I didn’t want to do or

be anything

just hang out, relax

that’s the life for the young

wanting to feel good, no time for work

that shit, was fucking boring

and it was such a relief to be away from that shit

being a slacker was something I wanted to be in high school,  I skipped whenever I could

but i didn’t have the money to do it, after school

it takes money to be a real slacker,

to hang out and let the world past by

thinking thinking thinking

reflecting reflecting reflecting

watching watching watching

young, cool, hip

no responsibility, no problems

I wanted that, but couldn’t really get that

I guess we get what we want, so i got a job

in a book warehouse and hung out in the evenings

and on weekends,

I looked forward to being a slacker though.

more than anything in the world.

Now i wonder why that is so frowned upon?

oh, i know, if everyone didn’t do anything, nothing

would get done.   I understand this.  I need to be serviced and have a lot of things done.

yet, the eight to five lifestyle doesn't seem sufficient

you can call people during regular work hours, and not get anyone on the phone.  But damn it seems like no one ever wants to pick up.  Secretaries, family and friends.  Then you gotta go back to that thing you do

and that’s the problem. Everyone doing the same thing that the same time.

Now, in my late thirties I can’t even imagine being a slacker.

seems kinda boring to me.  People change.

hanging out watching people is so boring now

I know what the they are thinking, now

I have a Facebook account, ya know