Testosterone

This shit can make you unkind

it's a chemical men have, and even some women

in an abundance

it makes animals vicious, violent and hateful, and not

care about anyone, all the love gone in the world

when i was a little boy, I didn't have that much testo

how nice and sweet i was,  but you change when you

get that chemical in you

but sometimes i lose the testo and become sweeter,

nicer and kinder to those around me, which is a beautiful

thing!

Oh, maybe testo isn't so bad,  I mean somebody gotta hunt,

don't they?

kill something in the world, we can't all be sweet and nice and kind

so we lift weights, and shoot things with guns, have sex

all that mean, violent testosterone


so vicious and crazy

I'm a nice sweet guy who like UFC and gangsta rap, porn

it gets me pumped up

don't judge me!

Thank You

Thanks to those you praised me,

thanks to those who criticized me,

thanks to those who loved me, thanks to those who hated me

thanks to those who thought i was smart,  thanks to

those who thought I was stupid

thanks to the kind, and thank you to those who were mean

I've learn so much from everyone

never met anyone, who was totally evil, or totally good

just met people who were confused, in this strange world

this ride has been so strange.

I used to hate hate,  now i don't

I'm a little smarter now, I guess

still stupid though

thank you everyone, who have taught me so much

sorry to any one i disappointed or offended

thank you much

Slacker

When I was in my twenties, I was such

a fuckin slacker, I didn’t want to do or

be anything

just hang out, relax

that’s the life for the young

wanting to feel good, no time for work

that shit, was fucking boring

and it was such a relief to be away from that shit

being a slacker was something I wanted to be in high school,  I skipped whenever I could

but i didn’t have the money to do it, after school

it takes money to be a real slacker,

to hang out and let the world past by

thinking thinking thinking

reflecting reflecting reflecting

watching watching watching

young, cool, hip

no responsibility, no problems

I wanted that, but couldn’t really get that

I guess we get what we want, so i got a job

in a book warehouse and hung out in the evenings

and on weekends,

I looked forward to being a slacker though.

more than anything in the world.

Now i wonder why that is so frowned upon?

oh, i know, if everyone didn’t do anything, nothing

would get done.   I understand this.  I need to be serviced and have a lot of things done.

yet, the eight to five lifestyle doesn't seem sufficient

you can call people during regular work hours, and not get anyone on the phone.  But damn it seems like no one ever wants to pick up.  Secretaries, family and friends.  Then you gotta go back to that thing you do

and that’s the problem. Everyone doing the same thing that the same time.

Now, in my late thirties I can’t even imagine being a slacker.

seems kinda boring to me.  People change.

hanging out watching people is so boring now

I know what the they are thinking, now

I have a Facebook account, ya know

Somethings Are More Important Writing

somethings are more important than this

and just some time you can't do it,  Literally

I had serious tremors yesterday, and just couldn't do it

I was plenty inspired though

my hands couldn't stop shaking, the motor skills were shot

yet, I had these thoughts in my head, thoughts that I  thought

were good, but my body and hands rejected them.

it put things in perspective:  words are not really that in important

BUT

We writers take this thing so serious

when we really shouldn't

Black Out

There are things so awful you see,

that you do not want to remember,

there are things so terrible you've experienced,

you can't go back to them in your mind

your mind has already blotted it out 

your mind doesn't want to go there

yet, sometimes you find yourself going there

to that cracked mirror in your head

it can be a bit much, but you endure

it's like a nightmare you have in your mind,

you wake up and try to forget it

but it's there man,

I remember horrible thing that I have saw:

There was little girl, couldn't have been over twelve years old, well she going across the street, after getting off a city buss.  She ran across the street without looking.  I watched the car hit her, and she went up in the air, upside down and landed up on her precious little head.  Awful.  She she was still a live, yet sobbing, of course, making the most awful sounds you could hear.

You can't forget stuff like that.  That kinda pain man.

You just don't forget it, not at all.

It stays, and you go back to that moment.

Taking L'S

Life is all about taking losses

then winning, then taking another loss

it's mathematics

and some lose more than they win

and some win more than they lose

it's crazy!!

up and down and up and down

down and up

crazy math, worse than Calculus 

win win win win lose

lose lose lose win win lose

win lose win lose lose win

win win win win win win win lose win win win win lose win

lose lose lose lose lose lose win win lose lose lose lose lose

lose win lose win win win win win win win win win win lose

insanity mathematics

I've have been so terrible to you

Romantic Notions

The people are filled with romantic notions

even though they will try to deny it,

the people are filled with sappy poetry,

it dresses up, in make up, and they try to hide it

no one wants to be a sap

no man wants to be seen weeping at a movie

we create superheroes and myths,  admire the lion of the jungle,  or grisly bear for it's raw strength

a belief that strength endures in the world

isn't that romantic?

isn't that poetic even?

that nothing ever dies?

Everything stays young and strong and beautiful forever, at least something does, as everything passes on

no slave to clock or time or disease

isn't that romantic?

disgustingly so